My friend said, “You women could rule the world except for the fact that you can’t stand each other.” And we both laughed. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were just shit talking but the funniest shit talk is funny BECAUSE there is some truth in the nougat. For those of you outside the Caribbean who don’t know what shit talking means it’s just talking foolishness to make everyone laugh…it’s just that sometimes the foolishness isn’t foolish at all. Like the best of humor, there is always an element of truth in it.
I was disempowered and when you are disempowered it’s natural to compare yourself to others; to believe there is something lacking in you.
It was one moment almost two decades ago that has stayed with me. We laughed at the truth of how we women have lived for so long it has become a well-known joke among men. We are divided, we divide ourselves and are thus conquered without a fight.
I was living in St. Kitts and it was intense even before I really pissed them off. It might sound exotic to you but just think of a really small town and you will get the feeling what it’s like to live on an island. The eastern Caribbean was different. I had lived on three islands before moving to St. Kitts but the level of suspicion and scrutiny I encountered was at times intimidating. It was only as intense as life in Bermuda as a child. Everybody gets to watch you grow up and many times, growing up isn’t always pretty.
I get it how we’ve been brainwashed. I just don’t get our slowness to evolve but then I do. I had to make every “mistake” go on every “detour” I had to until I could finally get it.
I was disempowered and when you are disempowered it’s natural to compare yourself to others; to believe there is something lacking in you. I understand it more from where I stand now because today I am empowered.
We, magical women, become ugly and needy in that shadow.
And even today I can get quick stabbing reminders of the insecurity I once had and I talk myself off the edge of the cliff because that’s what it is, a cliff. When you jump off that shit you are headed for the ground to the lowest emotional and energetic points available to us humans, to us women.
We, magical women, become ugly and needy in that shadow. Envy and jealousy don’t feel good. It feels horrible actually.
There is no joy there. There is no desire to uplift another woman there. There is no affirming the divinity and beauty of the other. There is “she’s got something I don’t have and should have; if I had what she had I would feel better about myself; if I was like her, my life would be better and because she has it, my life isn’t what it could be.”
For Goddesses to stand in their power they have to have the strength to stare into the lies of lack and ‘not-enoughness’ to experience the truth. Don’t try to pretend it away.
For Goddesses to stand in their power they have to have the strength to stare into the lies of lack and ‘not-enoughness’ to experience the truth. Don’t try to pretend it away. We’ve been getting dosed with it every day of our lives. Own the insecurity and the forgetting in that moment and allow it to pass through and out. Remind yourself of the truth.
Have you been doing practices to support remembering who you really are? Was it a moment of forgetting or are you there often and what are you going to do about it? What do you desire to transform in your vision of self?
For Goddesses to stand in their power, they have to desire healing from the notion of competition. Or even the notion of telling another Goddess how she should live and what choices she should make.
I see dancing women joyous in their special brand of magic, glorying in the magic of the divine feminine in all women, all kinds of women.
This next women’s movement will be global and it will be spiritually-based, meaning women who remember who they are, women who know the truth of who they are. Each gifted with their own much-needed brand of magic to contribute.
To Your Awakening,